peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize