I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
