Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
