I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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