Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
