just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
