i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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