Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
