You smell like a Billy Joel song
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
