worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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