Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
