I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
