How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
