nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
