C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
