My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize