My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
