ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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