You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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