I wish I could punch you in the face.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
