this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
