I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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