I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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