I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Randomize