I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
