My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
