Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
