Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
