Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
