Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
