The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
