Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
