There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
