i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
