There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
