He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize