woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
