I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
did you just send me my own nude
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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