I'm lost and stupid without you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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