I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
