Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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