Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
