i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
