I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
