It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
