it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
