Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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