We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
