We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
