when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You made out with two different species that night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize