Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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