just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
