I hate your face
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
