so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
