No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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