I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
