i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my phone needs a breathalizer
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
