Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
