I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
