Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
