Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
