Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
