some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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