Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
