not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
