I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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