My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
