barbara walters just said penis...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
