and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
