You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
