I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize