help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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