He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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