When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am naked and annoyed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
