...so i touched it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
