you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
