it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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