he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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