i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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