Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize