i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
