I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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