I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
