Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
