You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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