i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
