Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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