also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
