she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
