I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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