Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
