we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize