I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
