seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
