guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
