I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
