just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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