I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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