May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
