I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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